How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
