Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
