So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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