Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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