my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
