I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
