I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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