covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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