so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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