she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
