Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pooping to opera.
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