There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You made out with two different species that night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
