I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
