Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We need a shit load of segways right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
