I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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