While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
