All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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