DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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