Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
