He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize