Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there is puke in my bra ... again
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