thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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