my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize