there was a trapeze. enough said
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
