How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
