I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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