lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm getting married
To pizza
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
