Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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