Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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