I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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