3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
NoShamevember. You game?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize