Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
