its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
