with your own penis?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want her autograph on my taint
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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