You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
