Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
