U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
