i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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