I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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