I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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