Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
whose parrot is this?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
