You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize