Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
