I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
