I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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