Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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