Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
