Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
