just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
