I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
