Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize