I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
