EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
