Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
