you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
FUCK WHALES
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
