I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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