like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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