My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
