Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
