dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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