I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
