Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
