It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We don't watch enough power rangers
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
