the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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