dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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