I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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