dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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