im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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