shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Panties = found
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
