3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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