Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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