3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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