I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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