I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
