My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
