that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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