i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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