i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
