Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
