Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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