i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
