I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
