Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
