Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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