Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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