my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my poor anus
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
