Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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