my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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