well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
