I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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