Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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