I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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