I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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