i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize