I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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