i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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