IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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