I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
