the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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