if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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