Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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