Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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